The Best of Joe Mama
The Victor's Board is famous, or maybe it's infamous for the rate at which posts go up and scroll off. Unlike the Wolverine Den, on which posts last ... let's say months, on the Victor's Board, messages can scroll off the board in hours. This is both good--in that it means that a lot of conversation is happening--and bad--in that it means those priceless moments when someone says something really hilarious can only be read and savored for a short time. Sometimes even the regular readers don't get to see them before they are gone forever.
I realized recently that I have a pretty good stock of Joe Mama posts that could be archived here and appreciated for a long time. And they will also shed some further light on the mystery that is JM.
I just saw one today that really must be preserved in JM's permanent record.
It all started here:
I'm about to have an extra $50k lying around.
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:14:15 AM by C
My first impulse is to conduct a scientific experiment involving
Vegas, Strippers, Joe Mama, and three members of the Dallas Cowboys
Cheerleaders.
My second impulse is that I should probably invest it in something.
I'm a fairly vanilla type of investor. Index funds, blue chips, etc.
Can any of you financial types suggest a slightly more aggressive
approach? I'd like to get more than the 3.41% my money market is
currently yielding.
Alternatively, interesting ways to blow the money will be considered.
Thanks.
Pick me! Pick me!*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:21:38 AM by Joe Mama
In the name of science...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:24:06 AM by C
Could we have a good time in Toronto with $50k USD in cash?
Would Flower and her sidekick be wiling to hang for a weekend for some
portion of that amount?
Paging C...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:08:49 AM by Joe Mama
I'm ball parking here but to give you some idea of what it could look like...
$50K USD = $59K CAD
Two suites at the 4 Seasons for the weekend = $2K
Sustenance (Food/Booze/Drugs) = $6K
Limo = $1K
*Very* Nice Rentals = $10K each for the weekend (x 4)
Strip Bars = $8K
Bail money = $2K
Lets do this shit.
JM, was it you or someone you knew that ending up spending a ton on booze in some Amsterdam/German whorehouse?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 01:07:18 PM by CP
I thought you told a story about hooking up with some Euro-hookers and finding out they hit you up with some whacked out marked up booze.
If so, are you trying to recoup some of your losses at Counter's expense by marking up his "options"?
Also, do you have any brochures? Pics please.
Me - Germany - Well worth the...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 01:51:32 PM by Joe Mama
money. The champagne was over priced but each bottle came with fantastic euro-box so my penis and I were easily able to justify the expense.
I'm not in this for the money bro. I'm a fucking soldier. I'm in it for the love of the game and the thrill of the vaginal arena.
No brochures yet - I'm working on it. As far as the place in Berlin, I've got no idea what it was called but I'll google it some time and if I can find the joint. Rest assured I'll let you know if I find it - I was in a fantastic grand room with animal skins and chandeliers and fake tits and champagne sex and "now kiss her" and everything!!! Yes, three damn exclamation points good!!! BELIEVE!!!
It was fucking awesome and when I type that I look like a white Eddie Murphy in Bowfinger. Awesome.
[Editor's Note: I think I have this story somewhere. I was later told that it was not Joe Mama who wrote it, but it seems it was. I'll dig it out sometime.]
Man oh man. A couple of questions:
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:08:18 PM by C
1. Instead of 4 hotties at $10k each for the whole weekend, can we rotate 8 hotties at $5k?
2. Can we decrease the drug budget and increase the wine budget?
3. Do we really need the strip clubs with a rotating bevy of 8 hotties?
4. Will you take a check?
Answers:
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:15:35 PM by Joe Mama
1.Instead of 4 hotties at $10k each for the whole weekend, can we rotate 8 hotties at $5k?
Yes. $5k will get you a fantastic single night rental. I�m talking about selecting from what we like to refer to as the �Charlie Sheen� menu.
2. Can we decrease the drug budget and increase the wine budget?
Of course! Our goal at Joe Mama Travel Tours is to ensure maximum customer satisfaction! On a personal note, I like this question a whole bunch � sounds like trouble! You should note, however, that �Booze� includes not only wine with dinner, but beer and champagne (a must for every serious strip bar patron). But as I said, it�s your special weekend, and we here at JMTT want to ensure your repeat business! At JMTT, your wish is our command!
3. Do we really need the strip clubs with a rotating bevy of 8 hotties?
No, it is entirely up to you. I thought rolling in to the strip club with a harem of hotties would be so money, but if you just want to lock yourself in your hotel room, so be it. Allow me to reiterate - at JMTT, your wish is our command! Still, who can deny the manliness of a man who strolls in to the club, to the VIP section, orders some Dom and kicks it with his eight hookers while $20/dance girls fight and claw for a piece of your wallet? Gotta admit - that's pretty fucking money.
4. Will you take a check?
No. Fucking. Way.
You are so close to getting this account.*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:18:19 PM by C
What can I do to put you in a Canadian prostitute today?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:25:47 PM by Joe Mama
Help me help you.
Could you set theses up for other posters as well?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:17:34 AM by Alpo
That looks like something I need to do before I turn 40.
Oh ya.
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:35:18 AM by Joe Mama
And this was really top line OTTOMH stuff. Give me your fetishes and your price range and the duration of your stay and I'll come up with a total package based on your wants and needs. Of course, I include pricing for myself in your package. You don't want to leave your tour guide sitting in a hotel lobby while you play hide the snausage with multiple young things in a plush room. That's just uncouth, man. Upon acceptance of the agreement to use my services, I will provide an itemized list of all narcotics, dining options, adult bars and rentable women currently available, and I will ensure all expenses are billed with discretion. "Joe Mama Travel Tours" will appear on your credit card. Joe Mama will handle the details.
BELIEVE!
I certainly wouldn't want to take on sometrhing like that alone
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:49:23 AM by Alpo
If I ever get divorced I'm signing up for the deluxe package.
"Once in a lifetime experience!"
lol*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:47:06 AM by Ken
Ken...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:54:42 AM by Joe Mama
You've just lol'd yourself to a 5% discount on future services from Joe Mama Travel Tours! Congrats!
*This non-transferable offer expires when this post scrolls off the board
I'm going to copy and paste this to some HOF board someplace.*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:56:49 AM by Ken
--------------------
There you go, Ken. Salomé's got your back.
I realized recently that I have a pretty good stock of Joe Mama posts that could be archived here and appreciated for a long time. And they will also shed some further light on the mystery that is JM.
I just saw one today that really must be preserved in JM's permanent record.
It all started here:
I'm about to have an extra $50k lying around.
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:14:15 AM by C
My first impulse is to conduct a scientific experiment involving
Vegas, Strippers, Joe Mama, and three members of the Dallas Cowboys
Cheerleaders.
My second impulse is that I should probably invest it in something.
I'm a fairly vanilla type of investor. Index funds, blue chips, etc.
Can any of you financial types suggest a slightly more aggressive
approach? I'd like to get more than the 3.41% my money market is
currently yielding.
Alternatively, interesting ways to blow the money will be considered.
Thanks.
Pick me! Pick me!*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:21:38 AM by Joe Mama
In the name of science...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 09:24:06 AM by C
Could we have a good time in Toronto with $50k USD in cash?
Would Flower and her sidekick be wiling to hang for a weekend for some
portion of that amount?
Paging C...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:08:49 AM by Joe Mama
I'm ball parking here but to give you some idea of what it could look like...
$50K USD = $59K CAD
Two suites at the 4 Seasons for the weekend = $2K
Sustenance (Food/Booze/Drugs) = $6K
Limo = $1K
*Very* Nice Rentals = $10K each for the weekend (x 4)
Strip Bars = $8K
Bail money = $2K
Lets do this shit.
JM, was it you or someone you knew that ending up spending a ton on booze in some Amsterdam/German whorehouse?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 01:07:18 PM by CP
I thought you told a story about hooking up with some Euro-hookers and finding out they hit you up with some whacked out marked up booze.
If so, are you trying to recoup some of your losses at Counter's expense by marking up his "options"?
Also, do you have any brochures? Pics please.
Me - Germany - Well worth the...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 01:51:32 PM by Joe Mama
money. The champagne was over priced but each bottle came with fantastic euro-box so my penis and I were easily able to justify the expense.
I'm not in this for the money bro. I'm a fucking soldier. I'm in it for the love of the game and the thrill of the vaginal arena.
No brochures yet - I'm working on it. As far as the place in Berlin, I've got no idea what it was called but I'll google it some time and if I can find the joint. Rest assured I'll let you know if I find it - I was in a fantastic grand room with animal skins and chandeliers and fake tits and champagne sex and "now kiss her" and everything!!! Yes, three damn exclamation points good!!! BELIEVE!!!
It was fucking awesome and when I type that I look like a white Eddie Murphy in Bowfinger. Awesome.
[Editor's Note: I think I have this story somewhere. I was later told that it was not Joe Mama who wrote it, but it seems it was. I'll dig it out sometime.]
Man oh man. A couple of questions:
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:08:18 PM by C
1. Instead of 4 hotties at $10k each for the whole weekend, can we rotate 8 hotties at $5k?
2. Can we decrease the drug budget and increase the wine budget?
3. Do we really need the strip clubs with a rotating bevy of 8 hotties?
4. Will you take a check?
Answers:
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:15:35 PM by Joe Mama
1.Instead of 4 hotties at $10k each for the whole weekend, can we rotate 8 hotties at $5k?
Yes. $5k will get you a fantastic single night rental. I�m talking about selecting from what we like to refer to as the �Charlie Sheen� menu.
2. Can we decrease the drug budget and increase the wine budget?
Of course! Our goal at Joe Mama Travel Tours is to ensure maximum customer satisfaction! On a personal note, I like this question a whole bunch � sounds like trouble! You should note, however, that �Booze� includes not only wine with dinner, but beer and champagne (a must for every serious strip bar patron). But as I said, it�s your special weekend, and we here at JMTT want to ensure your repeat business! At JMTT, your wish is our command!
3. Do we really need the strip clubs with a rotating bevy of 8 hotties?
No, it is entirely up to you. I thought rolling in to the strip club with a harem of hotties would be so money, but if you just want to lock yourself in your hotel room, so be it. Allow me to reiterate - at JMTT, your wish is our command! Still, who can deny the manliness of a man who strolls in to the club, to the VIP section, orders some Dom and kicks it with his eight hookers while $20/dance girls fight and claw for a piece of your wallet? Gotta admit - that's pretty fucking money.
4. Will you take a check?
No. Fucking. Way.
You are so close to getting this account.*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:18:19 PM by C
What can I do to put you in a Canadian prostitute today?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 12:25:47 PM by Joe Mama
Help me help you.
Could you set theses up for other posters as well?
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:17:34 AM by Alpo
That looks like something I need to do before I turn 40.
Oh ya.
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:35:18 AM by Joe Mama
And this was really top line OTTOMH stuff. Give me your fetishes and your price range and the duration of your stay and I'll come up with a total package based on your wants and needs. Of course, I include pricing for myself in your package. You don't want to leave your tour guide sitting in a hotel lobby while you play hide the snausage with multiple young things in a plush room. That's just uncouth, man. Upon acceptance of the agreement to use my services, I will provide an itemized list of all narcotics, dining options, adult bars and rentable women currently available, and I will ensure all expenses are billed with discretion. "Joe Mama Travel Tours" will appear on your credit card. Joe Mama will handle the details.
BELIEVE!
I certainly wouldn't want to take on sometrhing like that alone
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:49:23 AM by Alpo
If I ever get divorced I'm signing up for the deluxe package.
"Once in a lifetime experience!"
lol*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:47:06 AM by Ken
Ken...
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:54:42 AM by Joe Mama
You've just lol'd yourself to a 5% discount on future services from Joe Mama Travel Tours! Congrats!
*This non-transferable offer expires when this post scrolls off the board
I'm going to copy and paste this to some HOF board someplace.*
Posted on September 27, 2005 at 11:56:49 AM by Ken
--------------------
There you go, Ken. Salomé's got your back.
posted by Salomé at 10:26 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home