JM on Bad Sex

Someone had to lodge the question: Have you ever had bad sex? on the board. On a board with Joe this is, of course, akin to strolling up to Pandora and saying "Hey, what'cha got there?" What follows is the inevitable result.

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G-d yes.

Posted on June 17, 2005 at 10:09:04 AM by Joe Mama

I've had a woman complain that I wasn't slapping her ass (with a belt!) hard enough. She almost got up and left. It was horrifying. I was 14 or 15. WTF?

I've mentioned before the croc of a box one broad had (almost lost an arm). Outside of the croc box chick, I've been pretty lucky relative to snatch. No real mutants.

I've had bad sex on drugs on a number of occasions. Sometimes it was just bad for her, sometimes bad for the both of us. Inability to finish. Distracted by things I might or might not have seen/heard. Overcome with giggles. Paranoid.

I've had high-pressure sex in public places where you just gotta get it done before either a cop or a relative walks by.

I've had horrible, horrible sex drunk. Passing out. Being sick. Just awful.

I took a girl's virginity (unbeknownst to me at the time) and she bled and cried. That was, obviously, fucking horrible.

I've had all kinds of awful hummers. The kind where you stop them and ask "How about if I just rub one out in your yap?"

I've had horrific hand jobs that resulted in not only chafing, but my penis actually not talking to me for days on end.

Still, all of the above beat standing alone in the bathroom rubbing out.