JM on being engaged

Three years and counting.

Posted on March 23, 2005 at 02:53:34 PM by Joe Mama

I call her Mrs. Mama because I'm not at liberty to use her real name
here, I hate calling her my "fiancé" because, well, it's fucking gay,
she's more than just a "girlfriend" so that doesn't fit, and
"betrothed" is too Westonian. I never know what to call her when I
make mention of her in this forum. My "#1 bitch?" "The reason I'm not
shagging other chicks?"

I don't know. What would you suggest I refer to her as?

As far as our engagement goes, we're going on 3 years. We have never
set any date, and haven't even discussed a wedding in well over a
year. After we got engaged, we talked about it, but it quickly dawned
on us that we'd have to do two separate things because, well, her
fucking family is my worst nightmare. I tried to coax her in to just
going South and getting married on a beach in the Caribbean or get
married in Vegas or something, but if her whole family isn't involved,
she wasn't having it. Of course, her parents (dad, mostly) would
*never* even get on a fucking plane (his comfort zones include hunting
shit, being racist and having a ton of opinions on the world with zero
knowledge and/or experience) so there goes that idea. We started
making lists and that got fucking retarded right quick. Her whole,
enormous clan needs to be there, so it'd just be easier to have a
shitty little wedding way up north in her shitty little hometown. But,
my family is having none of that. My family isn't driving 6 hours
North to eat fucking road kill while the unemployed snowbillies get
shitfaced and dance to the worlds worst fucking music. No sir, not
having it.

I'm not even getting in to the religious aspect of our non-existent
wedding...as you know Jebus is not necessarily my homeboy, and she's
all about the faith-based wedding. I'd rather some fucking dreadlocked
Rasta named "Casper the Hat Mon" married us on a beach in the
Dominican or something.

So, about a year ago we decided that, unless she got knocked up
(which, btw, she has no interest – thank god – in ever having kids)
we're both content to be engaged forever – she gets a sweet ass ring
and I get to avoid the inevitable divorce proceedings a decade from
now. Did I mention I have very little (no?) faith in my ability to not
fuck up royally at any given moment?

You might be asking, why even get engaged? No solid answer there,
other than she's mostly the best woman that ever came in to my life,
so WTF you gonna do? I'm not likely to find another like her, so I'd
be left with some hollow existence based on meaningless unprotected
sex with women I barely know, as often as possible.

Sorry this was so long. Sometimes I just type and whatever happens, happens.