JM's in-laws
Family-in-law rant...(p)
Posted on November 29, 2004 at 12:29:25 PM by Joe Mama
Note: Going forward, the woman formerly known as Mrs Mama wil simply be referred to as my girlfriend.
My girlfriend's sister, her husband and their 1-year old daughter are in town. Quick recap - her family drives me fucking insane.
Anyhow, we live in a 2 bedroom condo now and the smaller b/r has been turned into a study/computer room. We just dropped a thousand bucks on a nice day-bed thing. A fold out couch thingy, you know. So they get into town Saturday night. As the girlfriend and I are setting up the bed (they will sleep in the master b/r with the baby) her BIL, the husband, a marine, decides he will help. Long story short, as opposed
to trying to understand how it folds out, he basically forces it flat, and I am hearing the sound of metal bending as I stand looking at the directions. I bite my tongue and leave the room as the damage has been done. He is, of course, oblivious to the fact that he has just fucking broken our brand new stupid fucking couch-bed thing that I never would have bought if it wasn't for her family visits. My family would GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM given how little space we have in the condo.
Anyhow, the fucking guy is supposedly a bomb-defuser in the navy. Underwater ordinence or whatever. You'd think he'd be the kind of guy who would look at a fucking contraption, like a bomb or a couch or ANYTHING, and try to understand how it works before jumping on the fucking thing trying to use force. Jesus.
So that was Saturday night, we're off to a great start, as we've now got an uneven, broken bed that WILL NO LONGER EVEN FOLD UP! I'm typing this in said room, sitting on said couch-bed because I HAVE NO CHOICE! It won't fold up...he has bent, twisted and warped some metal pieces due to his idiocy.
So yesterday, my treat, I take my girlfriend's brother and BIL to a Raptors game. In my mind I'm thinking "Fuck, I could have saved the 6 hundred I spent on this fucking game and used that towards buying a NEW DAMN COUCH-BED THINGY!" Whatever. Before the game, we all go out to a restaurant for lunch. A nice place I go to often. Not expensive nice, just cool nice.
As we are reading menus, BIL excuses himself and says he's going to ask the chef what the largest item is. WTF? This is him in a nutshell. I ask if he means the most expensive. He does not. He is "Quantity not quality" and goes to ask his question. I look at my girlfriend and she smiles and whispers "Let it go". He comes back and
starts asking what Naan bread is. Not sure why they told him Naan, but whatever, I explain what it is and tell him to get something else. Then the waitress, who is busy as hell (place is packed for Sunday brunch), gets "Can I do combos" from the BIL. WTF dude. Just stop being a douche and order something. He ends up confusing her, as he
wants this part of this dish, this part of that, and even she is like WTF? Long story short, he gets this retarded combo plate. I had steak frites, to which he said, "Oh, I should have gotten that". Duh.
Turns out they (Sister and BIL) were paying. Had I known, my 2 Heineken would have been more like 9. As we leave (BTW - BIL spilled water about 3 or 4 times, soaking my side of the table, pissing me off) I hear a few of them talking about the tip, the service, etc. I ask my girlfeirnd what's the brewhaha and she says the service blew, and they'd tipped 5 bucks...on an 80 or 90 dollar bill. I walked back in and dropped another 5 on the table. WTF? You gave the chick, who is busting her ass, like, 6 or 7 percent? She had to cope with combo boys severe retardation so I thought that was bullshit. Besides, these aren't refined diners, so who the fuck were they to critique (I will tip poorly if warranted - in this case, it wasn't).
A little more - talking to these people is a riot. They talk so much shit it is scary. Did you know there was an assassination attempt on Bush? Neither did I. When my GF's sister brought it up, I was like "Um, there was? When? Where? I haven't heard anything" to which the BIL replies "They must have done a shit job because it's real
hush-hush". Um, OooooohhhhhhhKaaaaaaaay.
Serenity now.
There are like, a hundred and fifty other things they've done that have driven me nuts in the last 2 days, but whatever. I also recognize that I am a very impatient person, and have a hard time pretending I like people I don't for sustained periods of time.
Seriously, these people drive me nuts. Thank god her dad (the worst of the offenders) isn't here or I'd snap. For real.
Next weekend I am going way up North and the whole family-in-law will be there. Give me strength. I've never had less in common with a group of people in my life. I swear my girlfriend was adopted.
The one good thing - I've taught the 1 year old to bob her head. She will now look at me with a big child smile and I'll start nodding my head like I'm MC Joe Mama and as soon as I stop, it's her turn, and she spastically gets down to an imaginary beat, stops, and then it's my turn again. I swear to god she's like the only one that understands me.
I've already told the g/f that she is now so deep in ass-debt that when her family splits, she won't be able to walk right for about a month.
I feel much better now. Thanks.
Posted on November 29, 2004 at 12:29:25 PM by Joe Mama
Note: Going forward, the woman formerly known as Mrs Mama wil simply be referred to as my girlfriend.
My girlfriend's sister, her husband and their 1-year old daughter are in town. Quick recap - her family drives me fucking insane.
Anyhow, we live in a 2 bedroom condo now and the smaller b/r has been turned into a study/computer room. We just dropped a thousand bucks on a nice day-bed thing. A fold out couch thingy, you know. So they get into town Saturday night. As the girlfriend and I are setting up the bed (they will sleep in the master b/r with the baby) her BIL, the husband, a marine, decides he will help. Long story short, as opposed
to trying to understand how it folds out, he basically forces it flat, and I am hearing the sound of metal bending as I stand looking at the directions. I bite my tongue and leave the room as the damage has been done. He is, of course, oblivious to the fact that he has just fucking broken our brand new stupid fucking couch-bed thing that I never would have bought if it wasn't for her family visits. My family would GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM given how little space we have in the condo.
Anyhow, the fucking guy is supposedly a bomb-defuser in the navy. Underwater ordinence or whatever. You'd think he'd be the kind of guy who would look at a fucking contraption, like a bomb or a couch or ANYTHING, and try to understand how it works before jumping on the fucking thing trying to use force. Jesus.
So that was Saturday night, we're off to a great start, as we've now got an uneven, broken bed that WILL NO LONGER EVEN FOLD UP! I'm typing this in said room, sitting on said couch-bed because I HAVE NO CHOICE! It won't fold up...he has bent, twisted and warped some metal pieces due to his idiocy.
So yesterday, my treat, I take my girlfriend's brother and BIL to a Raptors game. In my mind I'm thinking "Fuck, I could have saved the 6 hundred I spent on this fucking game and used that towards buying a NEW DAMN COUCH-BED THINGY!" Whatever. Before the game, we all go out to a restaurant for lunch. A nice place I go to often. Not expensive nice, just cool nice.
As we are reading menus, BIL excuses himself and says he's going to ask the chef what the largest item is. WTF? This is him in a nutshell. I ask if he means the most expensive. He does not. He is "Quantity not quality" and goes to ask his question. I look at my girlfriend and she smiles and whispers "Let it go". He comes back and
starts asking what Naan bread is. Not sure why they told him Naan, but whatever, I explain what it is and tell him to get something else. Then the waitress, who is busy as hell (place is packed for Sunday brunch), gets "Can I do combos" from the BIL. WTF dude. Just stop being a douche and order something. He ends up confusing her, as he
wants this part of this dish, this part of that, and even she is like WTF? Long story short, he gets this retarded combo plate. I had steak frites, to which he said, "Oh, I should have gotten that". Duh.
Turns out they (Sister and BIL) were paying. Had I known, my 2 Heineken would have been more like 9. As we leave (BTW - BIL spilled water about 3 or 4 times, soaking my side of the table, pissing me off) I hear a few of them talking about the tip, the service, etc. I ask my girlfeirnd what's the brewhaha and she says the service blew, and they'd tipped 5 bucks...on an 80 or 90 dollar bill. I walked back in and dropped another 5 on the table. WTF? You gave the chick, who is busting her ass, like, 6 or 7 percent? She had to cope with combo boys severe retardation so I thought that was bullshit. Besides, these aren't refined diners, so who the fuck were they to critique (I will tip poorly if warranted - in this case, it wasn't).
A little more - talking to these people is a riot. They talk so much shit it is scary. Did you know there was an assassination attempt on Bush? Neither did I. When my GF's sister brought it up, I was like "Um, there was? When? Where? I haven't heard anything" to which the BIL replies "They must have done a shit job because it's real
hush-hush". Um, OooooohhhhhhhKaaaaaaaay.
Serenity now.
There are like, a hundred and fifty other things they've done that have driven me nuts in the last 2 days, but whatever. I also recognize that I am a very impatient person, and have a hard time pretending I like people I don't for sustained periods of time.
Seriously, these people drive me nuts. Thank god her dad (the worst of the offenders) isn't here or I'd snap. For real.
Next weekend I am going way up North and the whole family-in-law will be there. Give me strength. I've never had less in common with a group of people in my life. I swear my girlfriend was adopted.
The one good thing - I've taught the 1 year old to bob her head. She will now look at me with a big child smile and I'll start nodding my head like I'm MC Joe Mama and as soon as I stop, it's her turn, and she spastically gets down to an imaginary beat, stops, and then it's my turn again. I swear to god she's like the only one that understands me.
I've already told the g/f that she is now so deep in ass-debt that when her family splits, she won't be able to walk right for about a month.
I feel much better now. Thanks.
posted by Salomé at 8:43 AM
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