A Sense of Humor
Do I hzve a sense of humor? That is the question. Last night Jack said we needed to work on it.
Of course, this had to do with JM.
Here are the JM posts leading up to this. I'll tell you afterward why my sense of humor was questioned.
JM had to undergo the procedure because he doesn't eat his 'rabbit
food'. So, we got the report... and more:
It was fine.
Posted on February 13, 2006 at 02:04:31 PM by Joe Mama
I was starving and the stupid four liters of whatever that crap is
went down like ass, but it was fine in retrospect. It took about 15
minutes; I was only a little stoned (not nearly as stoned as I'd
hoped) and that was it. Once they were done (there were only like two
parts that hurt) they wheeled me in to a recovery room and there were
passed out motherfuckers everywhere. Guy beside me (little and old)
was snoring like mad. I was fine. They said "Are you wide awake?" and
I'm like "Yeah. Bummer." So they let me go. I got McDonalds drive-thru
on the way home, which kicked ass, then for dinner I went out and got
a big, fat, bloody steak.
All in all, not bad. Mrs. Mama is pissed 'cause I told her if I can
take a yard of fiber-optic cable up my virgin ass, she's not getting
off so damn easy any more with the "Ouch! Not so fast" type bullshit.
She thought this would learn me some but Booyah! Backfire, baby!
PS – Mrs. Mama fucked up (different story – car related) so I was
considering her punishment and I told her, in jest, I was gonna stick
the car key up her ass and when I turned it she had to make "vroom
vroom" sounds until I was content. This is, shockingly, a go. She was
all "OK". And I'm like "What?" and she said it's on. I will keep the
board posted. It's like the glass slipper only with a Honda key and a
bum. Foreign objects up her bum aren't new, but they are always store
bought. This is an exciting first for me. I'm probably the
thirty-first luckiest man on Earth. Any thoughts on how best to
de-germify a key? I'm afraid if I boil the fucker the plastic part up
top will melt. Thoughts?
On the whole key thing...
Posted on February 15, 2006 at 11:45:42 AM by Joe Mama
Decided it was just too degrading. Our relationship is built on mutual
bribery and the exchange of sex for what she deems good behavior, not
on degradation. Hovering over her naked body and turning a key wedged
up her bum while she makes car noises just didn't sit right with me.
It was something I had to air publicly in order to really let it
resonate, you dig? That's the kind of activity you do with someone who
a) charges by the ½ hour and b) you'll never have to see again, let
alone take to dinner with your parents.
So, her punishment is simply to strip naked and do 5 laps of our crib
with the key up there, making car noises as she goes. I'm just going
to be a laughing spectator on the couch, ensuring no corners are cut.
Strikes me as a way more classy way to go.
__________________________________
So, I asked, "Didn't they ever hear of no running with a key up your ass? It's dangerous."
"It was a joke," Jack said. "A hilarious joke. I can't believe you took it seriously."
Me: "It's like running with scissors. That was supposed to be funny."
And then I made a huge mistake. "Anyway, I'm not sure it's totally a joke. "
"It is a joke," Jack said. "And anyway, why do you care? If she is willing to run around the apartment naked with a key up her ass, whatever. It's still hilarious."
Me: (again a mistake) It's only hilarious if it's not true.
Jack: Why?
Me: Because if it's true, then there are things that I think about that prvent me from laughing. I'm not saying it's not interesting or entertaining. I'm saying... I would worry about her getting hurt.
Jack is clearly starting to get irritated. "I send those things to you because you are supposed to find them funny. If you don't find them funny, then I won't send them to you anymore."
Me: I'm not syaing don't send them to me. I'm saying I don't know how much of it is true and how much isn't and so I can't laugh out loud at it. Because keys are pointy. I didn't mind when he was going to put it there and make her say vroom, vroom. In fact, I wondered if it could be an effective punishment because it would end up all sexy. And I wasn't worried about him hurting her because someone would be managing the key, but running is totally different. It's not sexy, there's no contact and it's just ...
Jack shakes his head. We eat dinner in silence. This is all because I'm a girl and Jack... is not.
Of course, this had to do with JM.
Here are the JM posts leading up to this. I'll tell you afterward why my sense of humor was questioned.
JM had to undergo the procedure because he doesn't eat his 'rabbit
food'. So, we got the report... and more:
It was fine.
Posted on February 13, 2006 at 02:04:31 PM by Joe Mama
I was starving and the stupid four liters of whatever that crap is
went down like ass, but it was fine in retrospect. It took about 15
minutes; I was only a little stoned (not nearly as stoned as I'd
hoped) and that was it. Once they were done (there were only like two
parts that hurt) they wheeled me in to a recovery room and there were
passed out motherfuckers everywhere. Guy beside me (little and old)
was snoring like mad. I was fine. They said "Are you wide awake?" and
I'm like "Yeah. Bummer." So they let me go. I got McDonalds drive-thru
on the way home, which kicked ass, then for dinner I went out and got
a big, fat, bloody steak.
All in all, not bad. Mrs. Mama is pissed 'cause I told her if I can
take a yard of fiber-optic cable up my virgin ass, she's not getting
off so damn easy any more with the "Ouch! Not so fast" type bullshit.
She thought this would learn me some but Booyah! Backfire, baby!
PS – Mrs. Mama fucked up (different story – car related) so I was
considering her punishment and I told her, in jest, I was gonna stick
the car key up her ass and when I turned it she had to make "vroom
vroom" sounds until I was content. This is, shockingly, a go. She was
all "OK". And I'm like "What?" and she said it's on. I will keep the
board posted. It's like the glass slipper only with a Honda key and a
bum. Foreign objects up her bum aren't new, but they are always store
bought. This is an exciting first for me. I'm probably the
thirty-first luckiest man on Earth. Any thoughts on how best to
de-germify a key? I'm afraid if I boil the fucker the plastic part up
top will melt. Thoughts?
On the whole key thing...
Posted on February 15, 2006 at 11:45:42 AM by Joe Mama
Decided it was just too degrading. Our relationship is built on mutual
bribery and the exchange of sex for what she deems good behavior, not
on degradation. Hovering over her naked body and turning a key wedged
up her bum while she makes car noises just didn't sit right with me.
It was something I had to air publicly in order to really let it
resonate, you dig? That's the kind of activity you do with someone who
a) charges by the ½ hour and b) you'll never have to see again, let
alone take to dinner with your parents.
So, her punishment is simply to strip naked and do 5 laps of our crib
with the key up there, making car noises as she goes. I'm just going
to be a laughing spectator on the couch, ensuring no corners are cut.
Strikes me as a way more classy way to go.
__________________________________
So, I asked, "Didn't they ever hear of no running with a key up your ass? It's dangerous."
"It was a joke," Jack said. "A hilarious joke. I can't believe you took it seriously."
Me: "It's like running with scissors. That was supposed to be funny."
And then I made a huge mistake. "Anyway, I'm not sure it's totally a joke. "
"It is a joke," Jack said. "And anyway, why do you care? If she is willing to run around the apartment naked with a key up her ass, whatever. It's still hilarious."
Me: (again a mistake) It's only hilarious if it's not true.
Jack: Why?
Me: Because if it's true, then there are things that I think about that prvent me from laughing. I'm not saying it's not interesting or entertaining. I'm saying... I would worry about her getting hurt.
Jack is clearly starting to get irritated. "I send those things to you because you are supposed to find them funny. If you don't find them funny, then I won't send them to you anymore."
Me: I'm not syaing don't send them to me. I'm saying I don't know how much of it is true and how much isn't and so I can't laugh out loud at it. Because keys are pointy. I didn't mind when he was going to put it there and make her say vroom, vroom. In fact, I wondered if it could be an effective punishment because it would end up all sexy. And I wasn't worried about him hurting her because someone would be managing the key, but running is totally different. It's not sexy, there's no contact and it's just ...
Jack shakes his head. We eat dinner in silence. This is all because I'm a girl and Jack... is not.
posted by Salomé at 9:15 AM
4 Comments:
The thought of you two actually debating, over dinner no less, the humor value (or lack thereof) relative to a car key that may or may not ever penetrate in my wife’s sphincter is even funnier than the thought of her running around making car noises with an “H” poking out her naughty bits. I’m no Dr. Phil, but if this is what passes for table talk in the Wraith household, you guys might want to consider getting a TV near the dining room.
It actually wasn't over dinner. It was while I was cooking. That being said, my point was just that it's ephemeral. You tell a story. It's funny. We move on to something else. It's not there to be analyzed ("Is it true? If it IS true, there might be problems a, b, and c with it. Or maybe even d.") It's just there to be heard and laughed at. Like a joke. If jokes were meant to be analyzed, all the ones about Jesus walking across the pond with a sand wedge so he wouldn't have to take a drop wouldn't be funny, either, because there'd be millions of people wailing about the Rapture while he was doing it and probably killing themselves in joy (OK... maybe that would still be funny.)
Great. Now I've gotta go and look up "ephemeral". This is why kids shouldn't be allowed to graduate university at 19. They should be forced to stay in high school and get a bit dumber so the rest of us don't feel so inadequate.
Just for the record, Amanda also thinks it's only funny if it's not true. I think it's a girl thing. Try as you might, you may never get it. :)~ It's only ephemeral if you are totally disconnected frm the reality of it. The jokes about Jesus and the sand wedge--which I have never heard--we know those aren't true so we laugh at them. The jokes about Mrs. Mama's bum--well, given everything we know about JM, Mrs. Mama, anal sex, keys... we think it's safe to say that Mrs. Mama's bum deserves more worry than Jesus. Although, having talked it out a bit, I now think it's funnier than I used to, because I have started to think it can't possibly be true.
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