Even JM knows that you should not tell your wife...this.

So one of the guys went to a strip club. Now, he originally presented this as a 'out with the guys' thing (i.e.some guys from his office were going; he was dragged along; blah blah blah...) Problem is, he paid on ye olde credit card and one charge
(for food and drink) showed up as something innocuous, but the other
charge (for the lap dance) has the name of the club attached. His wife
pays all the bills, so he's wondering how to approach this situation:
Should he be up front about it before she sees the bill? Should he
just hope she skims past it and say nothing unless she asks? So, a
host of opinions come back.

Later, he decides to reveal to the board that it wasn't a 'guy thing':
He had time to kill before meeting his parents, so he went alone. And
it wasn't just a lap dance. He was permitted to touch anywhere but
'down there' and consequently did, extensively, with hands and lips
and... yeah, whatever. So, people are suggesting he still be up front
about it, but perhaps skip the 'gory details'. JM, as always, had the
best response:

I have only one question:

Posted on March 29, 2006 at 03:46:31 PM by Joe Mama

What kind of fucking moron would tell his wife he had some slut's
nipple in his mouth? That's the most insane thing I've ever heard, and
I've had lengthy conversations with street people who had glue on
their lips so fresh it hadn't even dried yet.

Why not just tell your wife about all the chicks you think about when
you rub one out? A relative of hers, maybe?

"Hey, I just arched a batch out and wanted to let you know I was
thinking about the hottie your nephew just married. Remember that
wedding? It was nice, huh? Man, he sure did score - that chick was a
fox. I was making like a PAC-10 swimming coach, mastering the stroke
techniques, and that tight 20-year-old popped into my head so I just
kept on tugging, all the while thinking of pulling the train of that
nice, white wedding dress over her pretty little head while plowing
away at her barely-used bottom. It was awesome!"

When it comes to this type of shit, under no circumstances do you
answer questions nobody asked.

"Yeah, I got a dance. It sucked." - now that's a fucking answer.
________________________________________
I agree with JM's answer. Do not tell your wife what you did. Unless you want that picture to never leave her brain. I mean, yes, you are going to have to tell her you went and were an idiot. And yes, you are going to have to take some shit. But you should not tell her that you had a strange woman's nipple in your mouth. Not because you will be in trouble--even though you would be--but because it is not fair to her. But don't think that if you get away with it this time, you are home free. If you do it again, the chances increase that you will get caught. And if she ever catches you, she will start thinking back and remembering little clues she had that she dismissed because she trusted you. And you will be well and truly FUCKED. And not the way you are wishing for.