Time for Some Classic JM

Little setup on this one: J complimented JM
(excuse me, Moe Jama) on his escort advice yesterday, but asked why it
takes two hours (and, thus, costs what it does) when 'most guys could
be done in 20 minutes or a half hour'. JM promised to respond shortly
but he needed some time to elaborate and could do so in the Human
Resources meeting he was currently being dragged into, rather than
actually pay attention. Thus, the result:

For J (p)
Posted on January 20, 2006 at 02:16:21 PM by Joe Mama

This post is a lot like my lady pleaser – long, self-centered, and not
all that funny, so bear with me.

OK, I did say two hours, and my reasoning is this: An hour is a total
rush job and three hours means you're actually talking to the hired
help like you give a shit about her abusive step-father; so two is a
happy middle-ground. This is all just personal preference, btw. There
are no right or wrong answers relative to the duration of your escort
experience. If you desire it and can afford it, keep her for a month.

I did say you don't take'em out to dinner. Some escorts, especially
the high-enders (the types who get flown around and shit) clearly
state on their websites that they are educated and articulate and
capable of stellar performance in any social setting (i.e. better than
Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman). I suppose if I worked for the UN and
had a function in Geneva or something, I'd go this route. But if
you're in Detroit and just wanna get laid it makes no sense. There is
no point trying to impress her – she knows you solicit women for the
purposes of prostitution so you're hardly boyfriend material.

I'm not sure I actually said not to talk to them. If I did that was
wrong. As Paul knows from his extensive research, some ppl hire other
ppl just to talk. Whatever makes'em happy. I want to, at a minimum,
break the ice by showing her that I'm not a monosyllabic,
mouth-breathing cretin. I'm a nice, young man who has "never done
anything like this before" (say that with a straight face and humble
tone for best results). The more comfortable they are (mentally – not
physically, obviously), the better they are going to perform. I want
them to know that I'm just a dude who wants to get laid, no strings
attached. I'm not psycho. I'm not scary. I'm not their creepy uncle or
the last trick they turned who was 72, smelled like cabbage and tipped
the scale at three bills. I'm Joe Mama, and all will be fine. Just
fine. Fine.

OK, I'm rambling.

20 minutes? Are you serious? You're looking at this the wrong way.
You're right when you say that it's not about getting her off - it's
about you being a totally sick fuck. Shit, it takes me 20 minutes just
to rub one out these days. I'm not 15 anymore. And I'm paying to get
my super freak all over her like a very bad man. I'm planning on doing
some shit real ppl don't let me do. The kinda freaky shit that makes a
girlfriend leave you. Relationship ending sex acts. It can take 20
minutes just to set up a sweet angle. Also, I'm wearing a jimmy, so it
takes much longer to finish. I'm going to take my time! This isn't a
wife, where you're looking to drop a batch and hit the rack – this is
like a sexy jungle gym for adults you've rented for a party. So party
on it.

You can rent chicks for 30 minutes here so obviously there are many
men who just want to hump it and dump it right quick. Not me. That's
why my penis thinks I'm a class act.

Also (I know this is disjointed but whatever – people are talking
about tuition reimbursement in this meeting so forgive me if I ramble)
I do not just walk them up to my room for a few reasons. First, I
sleep with normal women in my bedroom. That's where the sex goes. This
chick? Living room. Kitchen. Stairs. Freak it in places you never do.
For the next week (and at random intervals thereafter), every time you
walk up those stairs you've got something to bring a smile to your
immoral face. Hopefully not a stain though. Eeeew.

Second, as I said before, I want to put them at ease – lull her in to
a sense of security before I make her move like Gumby. So I'll offer a
drink, a joint, a smoke. No biggie. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. Whatever.

So, 15 minutes to share a smoke and set her at ease. 60-90 minutes to
get it on (unlike the 1 minute of wife head you're used to, they'll
suck for 60 minutes straight if you're paying and won't ruin the mood
by complaining about a sore jaw) and the two or three minutes to put
it back in her mouth for good measure, and call it 10 minutes for a
final smoke/drink/get dressed/walk her to the door, etc.

I hope this helped to clarify my position. I mean Moe's position.